Week of Sean Continues

What a week for SEAN!!

Wednesday night Short Track series finally started off with a BANG tonight with Sean "Furious" Steeves taking FIRST place in the Men's B Race. After a good start, Sean was sitting in fifth position for the first a few laps, and then exploded into the top three. With two laps to go, Sean rocketed off the front and rode the rest of the field off his wheel for a well deserved victory.

Johan Bruyneel said in a post race new conference that "Steeves was amazing. His performance today was not human." Bruyneel's comments brought criticism from bIKE cLUB communications director Allison Seymour. "What is Bruyneel insinuating?” Seymour noted, “That Sean’s performance today was not natural? That his performance was based on performance enhancing drugs? I hope that the Astana director is not referring to Landis or Hamilton with his comments about Sean.”

Seven time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong twittered that "@seansteeves was on fire today. Boulder got what it asked for, and he kept his clothes on. Congrats.” Then, Armstrong accidentally posted this tweet. "DM @seansteeves: Dr. Fuentes has your blood work. Call Levi or Alberto and they can pick it up for you in Spain. LA."

In recognition of Sean's accomplishment, Nike and Armstong's Livestrong Foundation started a commemorative yellow wrist bracelet program pictured above. Proceeds benefit the Sean Steeves Foundation for Young Russian Hotties.

Of course, Steeves’ victory was short lived. Results from a post race CU drug test indicated traces of several performance enhancing drugs, including large amounts of CERA, EPO, Testosterone, Doritos, pizza, Budweiser, and cheese curds. UCI President Patrick McQuaid stated that "the laboratory found enough EPO and Doritos to kill a large mammal."

Sean is facing a two year cycling ban for the CERA and EPO, and a lifetime ban for the cheese curds. When reached for comment at his roommate's house in Louisville, a naked Sean stated from the couch, "No comment." Ironically, sales of the commemorative wrist band have skyrocketed.