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Originally uploaded by shZo.

What's this? His lost dignity?!

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P4220952.JPG
Originally uploaded by shZo.

A few hours later, our hero performs a primitive act of penance by doing hot laps at the campsite on a singlespeed.

“Slow on the Uptake” , a Tragedy in one part.

Scene: A dusty desert bowl, two brothers sit around a cozy campfire. A raven croaks from far overhead as a VW Jetta pulls into one of the twelve available parking spots. On the rear bumper of the white Jetta is a Delta Gamma logo and a Jose Cuervo sticker, on top are two shiny mountain bikes, with clipless pedals! Brad: (Throwing a friendly wave as he walks over to the Jetta) Howdy. Amber: (Rolling down the window) Hi! How you doing? Brad: Fine, fine. Amber: Tiffany here and I ha… Tiffany: Hi I’m Tiffany! Amber: Didn’t I just say that Tiff? Tiffany: I know but you always hog the cute ones and if you think for one seco… Amber: Anyway we’ve been driving all over and it looks like all the other campsites are full. Tiffany: Did you just interrupt me Amber? Ooooh after we set up camp we are SO having a tickle fight! You’re going down girl. Amber: Anyway we wanted to know if you could spare a little room around the campfire? We hardly make any sound. We’re very good, except when we’re bad. Then we’re very bad and need to be spanked. Tiffany: and we brought Tequila! In the background Brian sends frantic ESP brainwaves but to no avail as Brad gives a sad shake of the head. Brad: I’m sorry. We’ve got a bunch of friends coming in here later. Probably fill the whole place up. Amber: Oh. Tiffany: Oh. Brian: (silently as a vein throbs violently at his temple) D’oh! Amber: Hmm, Well I guess we’ll keep looking…thanks. Brad: No problem! Have a nice day. (Approximately 45 seconds later as the Jetta rolls out of sight…) Brad: Oh.

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Originally uploaded by shZo.

More bike heaven, with the rarely-sighted, shade-seeking Velvet Hammer in the background.

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Originally uploaded by shZo.

B-rad, bringing up the rear in fine style!

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Originally uploaded by shZo.

Uno, obviously suffering and really glad to be the subject of such a beautiful photo!

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Originally uploaded by shZo.

Highroller, rolling high or something like that.

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Originally uploaded by shZo.

Kdub and Bash(?) charge to the fore.

Bike Heaven.

Dropping down towards the Kokopelli on singletrack sweetness as Thumper carves the clover. I never really saw anyone else besides Dave and Brad due to my steady caboose-ing. Not that you'd really need any other riders if you had Dave and Brad along...

Hi Uno. Footsoldiers mill around aimlessly, wishing there was something to look at...

Then things get scary!

Nice rimshot!

Thumper climbs to the Zion Curtain overlook

Then stops to smell the flowers but forgets to roll in the flowers, trample the flowers, eat the flowers, light the flowers on fire and then get the hell outta there!

Dave takes the first drop chasing Dash

The Sasquatch in a typical position, although not actually throwing up....yet.

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P4230976.JPG
Originally uploaded by shZo.

Four hours of tasty singletrack awaits!

Froo-hooo-hoo-hoo-hoota! Fuck yeah!

Chocolate Thunder Pussy makes it's debut! Nothing quite like 30+ miles on the singlespeed to start off the riding season...except for a knock-down drag-out epic in Fruita of course! This weekend, 18Rd, be there!

Where is Chainsaw? Midway thru Sunday's three-hour tour...

Y'all ready for this? Step right thru the yellow door Cyclonauts as we drop in on the firstest trip to the new Fruita Pub & Brewery, and we may ride some too! 23rd & 24th 'o April (next weekend), Fruita, CO 18 RD. The Albino Sasquatch will head out early to grab us a good camp/debauch spot and we're planning to explore some new rides...maybe around GJ maybe not. As with all precisely orchestrated bIKE cLUB missions we'll hit the ground running and see what looks tasty! See y'all late Friday night at the camp spot, look for scattered Bud cans...

Get your red hot Orlando souvenirs here folks! Not available thru any other offer, yours now for three easy payments of $19.99 + shipping and handling.

Hey Thor! I think you dropped something

Mmmm mmmm! Hungry for some Rusty Wallace Poppers or Dick Trickle BBQ Wings? Well here's your spot race-fans!

Greetings from Dad and Midwest skiing! "Well now it's up to 87 days. Sunday was the last day @ GP. I was in my bermuda shorts skiing up a storm. Everybody was gathered at the patrol shack at the top of the mtn. Grilling food and snacks and adult beverages. Tanya and Tim were the instigators, - there was magic in the air!! But it's all right now." Joe/Dad

The Chopper, ready to rumble outside Silver City, NM.

Finished up with a lightning raid deep into the New Mexico Alford's domain. Careful use of flash stunned Crazy Uncle Billy and Pop Alford long enough for us to inhale Barb's homemade green chile enchiladas and some homebrew before heading northwards for our most important stop, our yearly pilgimage to the Rio Salado Rest Stop parking area for diesel scented snoozing in the comforts of our dog-warmed pickup! Good times, good times.

Dropping back to homebase after the hike-with-bike. Gila NF, NM

Humping it up the poorly-named "Angel Trail"

Let the bleeding begin!

Chainsaw carving the Yeti

Highroller grinding it out pre-crash.

Then we dusted off the steeds and headed out near Silver City, NM on the CDT trail

And this. Wicked crimpers far as the eyes could see mateys!

Well Orlando pix will have to wait while I wrap up the bIKE cLUB NMexcursion report. Anyways Chinsaw and I did some more 'o this on the sweet welded tuff.

Sweet and sour Christ! I've returned from the land of the gum cudding mouth-breathers (note: picture is of the abode of the corn-grinding cliff-dwellers, NOT Orlando) where everyone has been super-sized into jiggling pasty Veal People. Am I ready to drink tonight? Try to stop me stewardess!

Poison Nachos! Ha! You dont scare me, I have the longest legs in town!

Riding was great, no people anywhere! Trail is still a singletrack too! What the?

Hurry up Allison, the evil gnome is chasing you!

What a fine greeting upon entering City of Rock. yes folks this is at the entrance of the state park!

I was serious about the Ojo Malo! Probably the worst thing I've ever gotten drunk on and I was practically teethed on little green barrels of Mickey's Malt Liquor...go Green Hornet! Well I'm no sooner home again then I'm off, this time to Orlando (yet again) for another soul-sucking session at the Orange County Convention Center (ie. the 9th layer of Hell, or possibly the 8th...anyway not the one with all the lawyers but the one with used car salesmen and insurance adjusters). On the plus side we'll be staying at the Hawaiian Court HoJo's (again)...I'm kidding, there is no plus side to Orlando. I will however try to document the various riduculousities like the NASCAR restuarant and various upside-down buildings for you un-believers. Yes America truly is THIS fat and stupid! Pray for me.

Fully fueled up we headed southwards in search of sun and stone...and ended up here.

Then we did some of this...

And this...Chainsaw highballin' it on creaky flakes and sand.

We're baaaack! Not sure if Dub and Allison avoided killing each other in the wilds of NM but Chainsaw and Highroller returned with only occasional spurting bleeding, two damaged finger tips, scabies and a bad case of Ojo Malo. Highroller crashed twice and I'm sorry to say that my shin-modeling career is now officially kaput...any modelling that requires a left-side profile, close ups of fingers or forearms or clear lighting for that matter is prolly done too. Now onto the report! Like any adventure worth lying about ours began humbly, over Ahnold's Eggs and Huevos at Dot's to be exact!