The Happy Couple Retreats

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Originally uploaded by mchesaux.

Wedding photos are up! Hopefully everyone can view and/or download to their heart's content through this link...

Handy reference re: post of 3/21

Seems like the biKE cLUB Defibulator 9000 translation machine is having some issues converting the piercing hum-whistle whisperings and scratchings of the Uber-Ancestors into comprehensible English so your Humble Scribe has been ordered to include this short list of definitions in the hopes that it may enlighten Cyclonauts near and far to the meaning of yesterdays missive: Missive = A written message, a letter. Hibernatory = a made up word meaning "hibernation related" Groat = a silver English coin worth 4 pence used from the 14th to 17th centuries Flayed = to strip off the skin or outer covering, past tense of flay Defenestrate = to throw out a window Maneuved = imaginary word meaning a simple maneuver, or possibly a typo Maelstrom = a turbulent situation, a whirlpool of unusual size Hope that helps!

Spring has sprung Footsoldiers and like most mammals our thoughts have turned to hot chics and fornication...er, I mean cycling of course! High up in the Foothills of Lore the prognostications were performed under the watchful three-eyed gaze of the Uber-Ancestors themselves, stirred from hibernatory slumber in the Muckery by the scent of fear (only partially emanating from our sacrificial goat, Bucky) and of course their unquenchable thirst for knowledge of the future. As tradition demands Bucky was fed honeyed groats and the softest of willow shoots before being lightly flayed, salted and defenestrated into a snowbank. Then we lowly, but highly mobile, Footsoldiers of Those Who Lurk on High followed the bloody trail o'er hill and dale with our Scythes of Destiny and Pitchforks of Poking before cornering the hapless beast in a frost-rimed gnome-grotto, fortunately for us currently gnome-free. Much stabbing ensued. Sharpened dew-claws and dextrous hind-tentacles then manueved thru the inner workings of Bucky in search of clues to the future...and thus came down the word! YOU will ride, a lot! YOU will ignore standards of decency and morality in favor of heedless plunges into the maelstrom. YOU will stop and smell the flowers, then roll in the flowers, eat the flowers, crap all over the place, light the flowers on fire and get the hell out of there! Your first opportunity to put '05 to the test comes this very week-end when Chainsaw and Highroller lead a NM migration to the land of tequila, Hatch chiles, cacti, hot springs and lingering radiation fallout! Join us won't you?

And they say Spring starts next week? Happy Winter from Das Chalet!

Chainsaw clears the gap...barely.

Fraundorf's rock Das Chalet as Chainsaw's kin descends on our sleepy mountain hollow like a swarm of locusts. Good times as James pops over the boardwalk.

And there you have it...Highroller, Uno and Dash at the Tungsten. As the Week 'O Pete winds down I think it's important to remember his immortal words of wisdom....ummm, er help me out here people.

Cake, beer and a gun. Pete prepares to make magic happen, Partyapalooza '04.

Sprint finish for the Week 'O Pete as Uno finishes off a CX race at the Fed Center

How to change a smoke detector battery Matty A style. I think he might need a helmut. 

On top of Miller Rock with daylight suspiciously waning...typical bIKE cLUB outing.

Preparing to dive in after any unsuspecting trout that wander by.

Uno was the first Cyclonaut to ride with me after I got the thumbs up...here crossing the bridge on Cerain St. Vrain

Finally the easterly winds have been burly enough to extricate this duo from their still slightly frozen Upper Wisconsin winter -that icy, dark, dreary, bitterness. Gently, they will land on our fine, sun-drenched and slightly whacky terra firma. Yes, it is at last your chance to meet the man who has skied more days than any of us combined this year and still can drive in his ski boots! Finally, your chance to meet that man who sends all those jokes that are mandatory to read and so strange and foreign. The one and only - Kdubs Dad! He will be arriving this Saturday night! Yes, fear not crazy feral creatures, he will not be unaided in his nomadic wandering. His trusty sidekick, ol’ Mole fiend himself, Andrew will be here to celebrate his spring break from his pre-med studies! Settle down! Yes, yes we are having a bike club clandestine summit so that all can interact with these creatures from afar. Juanita’s, Thursday 3/24th at 7! A bIKE cLUB incident you can’t alford to ignore!
 

Though apparently exactly average in height Uno is anything but in style and sophistication, both being well below the mean. The Polish Rocket is also the owner of the single goofiest bike part in the Cyclonuat ranks, proudly running a creaking Thudbuster seatpost a good five years past when that particular piece of gear could have been considered cool, if one were rather open minded. On the plus side the man does serve up a wicked Zima, lives only a few blocks from IHOP and is willing to participate in ridiculous excursions like Super White Ranch, and any other bIKE cLUB adventures for that matter...

You should ask Pete about this here fish that he caught...NO! I'm just kidding, don't do it! Here the resident bIKE cLUB Fishing Expert reels in a nice looking Screaming Crappie or that could be a Strip-ed Slimer, I'm not sure.

Rolling next to the muddy Colorado while the drug planes buzzed overhead...come on hit us with a kilo!

Uno and crew head out for a little backcountry tour, Margy's '04

Humping it up to Margy's Hut on the crapped out AT gear, early '04

Pete in his natural environment...

"Do these gloves make my hands look red?"

Pablo on Horse Theif...

You may want to contemplate calling in sick Footsoldiers for our next Cyclonaut 'O the Week will be none other than Pete "Uno" Shotglass! "No, how YOU doing?"

Kackalaka Debriefing

At last, details from the Breeder Cell Reconnaissance Mission in North Kackalaka, damage was minimal, psychological scarring was merciless and catastrophic harm to the organization was avoided – barely! And at this point we are still uncertain and are awaiting reports from Uber-Ancestors on high. In order to accomplish my mission I was forced to drink vodka in my shower, barf in a Petridge Farm cookie bag without mishap with Shannon cheering me on as she sped through traffic to our safe haven (sadly no not due to a hangover), and endure Dave spitting two tiny fragments of chew (Copenhagen) into my eye (how?). Jesus that burns! I am investigating it as a move to cover up planting a micro chip in my common sense. Kent plunked me in a mini van laden with his aunt and uncle, their daughter and husband, and two children under the age of 4, who took me directly to Krystal and forced me to eat a Krystal burger! The torture! Cheap white castle burger – mystery flesh for sure! J+M, members of the Boulder Ladies Tropical Fish-Fanciers League, would not be wedged on the same side of the reception hall as me. Yes 5 years after “the incident”. I think they were clued-up of my mission. We must have a mole! Kent managed to shed a few tears during the vows, which spread like wildfire! Dan, the pilot who met bIKE cLUB in the Aspen conference last year, led us on a 5 hour trudge deep into the boondocks. Fearing my life at anytime from Dan’s skittering hiking poles, we marched straight up, literally, for 1 hour, at times using climbing moves to get to the top. Finally, after a “weather delay” in Atlanta, I landed at the Kitty Ranch, ready for some r and r. Mission Accomplished.

Where's Waldo? Strange but I don't recall this being as deep as it looks here...course I mighta been high.

And so in summary Brendan, beautiful, intelligent and seeemingly well-adjusted, has now married....this guy! bIKE cLUB Footsoldiers and Cyclonauts near and far send all their best wishes to Dash and Brendan and thanks for having us up to share in your happiest of days!

Smarmy bIKE cLUB Operatives escape exploding mountain lair via Insta-Pod...so suave yet de-boner!

The Bride realizing she is actually close to surviving the whole process! and that Sean's 'naked Gondola on acid' concept came to naught.

The Lady of the Night has some shocking legal ramifications explained to her...notice dismayed expression.

Don K pops outta Witness Protection and graciously refrains from popping any caps in anyones ass.

10-A and Chalet denizens prepare alco-holes for maximum suckage capacity.

Things you don't want to hear in a gondola...Sean - "Wonder what this cotter pin does?"

But then things sadly whipped themselves into perfect shape, horsed overs and Orange Whip was dispensed, groaning tables of Prime were dispatched with and the dancing women were ushered forth. Sean kept his pants on. I don't believe any cake even got jammed down Dash's normally receptive cake-hole. Oh well. Everyone has fun anyway and we somehow missed the hangover bus on Day Two as well... What the? Here Uno searches for Quiet Anne's missing oratory thunder.

Entire wedding ceremony took about 15 minutes which actually seemed long as all I could hear was "nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn" from the ventilation ducts overhead. Even normally reliable Loud Anne dissapointed, inexplicably breaking out her, to this date unseen, "inside voice" for her reading. With hand-picked Cyclonaut operatives positioned at key locations thruout the facility this seemed a promising first step towards the utter chaos that bIKE cLUB so revels in. It looked like Sean may even have been loosening his belt a notch or two...

Weekend at least started off on the right foot when we locked the snowboards in the Rocketbox...and left the keys in Boulder! Sweet. On the plus side I will no longer worry about the vulnerability of expensive gear up there, that mo-fo is airtight!

Many Cyclonauts survive (though permanently scarred) as Dash-Brendan wedding celebration goes horribly horribly right!

Gondola roulette!

Like any nefarious multinational Illuminata organization bIKE cLUB has a solid grasp of the "people value" (about $6 avg) of the various Cyclonauts, Footsoldiers and assorted hangers-on sucked into our wolf-pack whirlpool and, seeking to avoid catastrophic damage to the organization, limits the exposure to risk by scheduling multiple departure dates, modes of transport, etc for the executive class...ie. don't stick your whole basketball team on the same iced over twin-prop Cessna. In this way to date we have managed to avoid calamitous loss despite the constant sniping and ambuscades, launched by our hated and despised arch-foes the Boulder Ladies Tropical Fish-Fanciers League, that have seen the tragic downfall of Pete "Scar Tissue" Schroeder and the fabled Hacienda among others. Hydra-esque we have always popped back stronger then ever but this weekend, despite massive paramilitary build up, sees a risky funnelling of all strategic bIKE cLUB forces into a narrow time/location window, the safety of which cannot be guaranteed, in part due to the high # of Cyclonauts present ironically. Therefor I beseeche thee to take caution and make sure that no more than 10 Cyclonauts board any one gondola en route to the Brendash blow-out tomorrow! If someone could try to make sure Sean keeps his pants on during dinner that would be good too. As a last ditch fall back the Uber-Ancestors on high (now sadly sterile to the point of mootness) have sent K-dub to the farthest reaches of the continent for safe-keeping over the weekend. She is armed with a bottle of tequila and orders to start an underground Breeder-Cell should the rest of bIKE cLUB be wiped out. Let's be safe out there everybody!

Well sadly the Chalet no longer looks like a rink but sacrifices have to be made sometimes...notice ice on cars, NOT inside house. Notice smiling, clearly un-frostbitten girlfriend. Moving on uuu-up!

Spent all Monday at the Chalet working on a bodypaint tuxedo for Dash's wedding only to see a combination of body heat and flying insects reduce the whole project to a shambles. In retrospect cake frosting was probably not the best choice for "paint"...