Ko-Rea!

Highroller here, reporting from Seoul, Ko-rea where the periwinkle is tasty, the abalone is rubbery and the chicken and octopus soup is ALWAYS the Daily Special! Sean, you'll be glad to know I got the traditional Korean sauna treatment, complete with VERY attentive to detail male rubdown attendant, and I had to pay HIM ?! I mighta been had on that one...
Otherwise exactly as you'd expect for a Highroller trip, arrived in monsoon, got ear probed for swine flu, everyone wearing surgical mask but me, hmmm? Suits, suits, yes, nice to meet you too, forgot my suit, raining, go for walk, lost amongst 1 billion Chinee, go to McDonalds, offered hash, hookers, etc. back to hotel. Then fly to Seoul, Hmmmm everyone still wearing surgical masks, except for me, sneeze on fellow passenger, dirty looks for rest of flight, remote heat-seeking camera probes me this time looking for swine fever, sign document that I am not sick, have never been sick, don't even like pork, stagger out of airport, uh oh, Korean hosts waiting long time, drive in silence, I sneeze again just out of snittyness. Breakfast is crab salad, pecan pie, ribs, drive to crazy mtb race, 1600 racers, concert by famous Korean singer, Blue Man group style drums, MC makes racers dance, everyone laughing except me, oh yeah rain. Next day meet president, meet vice president, still no suit for me, lunch is ox tail, raw crab, liquor made from sweet potatoes, everyone taking care of me like I am made of sugar and likely to fall over at any time. Wonder how they know me so well? More food, fermented cabbage, strawberry wine, more restaaurants without chairs, famous actress fires starting gun for race, time for naked sauna with vice president(s), yes famous Korean massage, of course, for dinner periwinkles, more raw crab, Korean bbq, I count 40 plates on table for 4 of us, puts Buikemas to shame, shots, frequent referrals to dictionary for translations, karaoke? no thank you...sleep now please, toilet seat so warm, what's this button do? hot water up corn-hole, so good, bathroom floor warmed too, I sleep here in pool of own sweat, swine flu? xoM