If you raced last night in the inaugural 2005 Wed Night short track and got beat by some little girl and/or gumby on a singlespeed you fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia; and only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against a Cyclonaut, when death is on the line! Sean "Sandbag" Steeves came prepared to continue his shocking run of dominance against the Jr 10-14 Girls category, and promptly delivered a spanking, running amuck thru the broken remnants of the Bs like Rodan thru a cardboard Tokyo, while another suspect sandbagger, Uno, swooped in on the hapless Cs like Mothra over a fleeing crowd of panicked salary-men and ineffective plastic tanks! Somewhere a lethal high voltage line waits patiently for these monsters of the short track.
On the NBBBC Cup front Dash, Thumper and Highroller came prepared for small talk and cocktail wieners whilst Matty A inexplicably got his wires crossed, fruitlessly prowling the front for prime rib on some sort of geared contraption. Low expectations were rewarded as Dash fingered the filling out of a discarded deviled egg, holding off a mechanically-challenged Thumper in the Cs while Highroller brushed some tasty brownie crumbs off the picnic table, holding off all but the top 10 or so in Bs. Due to a capricious nature and the pressing need to get to Juanita's earlier it has been decide that the Bs is where it's at so if you dangle with the bumblies in C you only scored half points.
Thusly Highroller will be sporting the NBBBC Cup leader's jersey at next week's event, D.Ash holding down second on GC while Thumper cabooses in 3rd. See you out there!

Winner!

K-dub's got it and earns a 1 minute head start at the Tickler, now coming up in less than 3 weeks. Of more impending peril though consider tomorrow night's activities and just how good that cold beer hand-up is going to taste after choking on the dust and raw adrenaline of 40 or 50 wingnuts going mano y mono round the CU Research Park. 5:50pm for the hombres (B) and we will be scoring for the NBBBC Cup so mingle with your single and prepare to Throw! Down!

Name the Tickler course location pictured above and receive bonus 1 minute head start!Tickler course correction! Overland fire seems to have closed down trails in the "Moto Park' area so we're changing the course. Sorry but now you won't havre the opportunity to get shot at or run over by MX-idiots, or at least not on that particular trail. Now once we drop out of Heil we'll spin up the pave to Jamestown, head S at the Post Office and climb up to Gold Lake, ride past the resort and almost all the way to P2P before taking a right onto CR 100 and heading N. Comes out almost to Overland Trail where you'll bang an East and drop down some rollies to the St. Cerain TH and head for Miller Rock. You should bring a map. And some boots for trembling in. And shark repellant. June 25th 5:34am Eben G. Fine. Be there!

NBBBC Cup throw-down!

Gentlemen start your engines! Though the North Boulder Ballet Booster Club single speed cup has seemingly put down roots in the domicile of the Crossbowmaker his three year reign atop the charts may be facing a stiff challenge this year as Thumper has thown his glove into the ring aboard the sinister steed "The Enabler" and Highroller lurks in the wings astride Chocolate Thunder Pussy like some sort of gay space vulture! Who will be the first in this triumvirate of One Ring weilding malcontents to blink? The Good, the Bad or the Ugly? Only time will tell, and that time is next Wednesday when the night races season launches! Also more importantly the Juanita's feasting season launches as well!
Nice effort from all Footsoldiers in attendance Thursday as the Tour de Nobo went down smooth like Bacardi and Cola, cows were successfully avoided, and all escaped the sundry trail obstacles with nether regions un-scortched and and unmentionables un-sullied! This Monday night we throw down at the hoe-down as Chalet staffers burn a small cabins worth of wood in search of perfect hobo-coals! Bring your own meat, 6pm-?, corn on the cob provided. Be there, er here!

Look deep into my eyes minkey! Let the soothing image of sun dappled trails lull you into a false sense of warmth and security. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain! Thursday night we ride, and there will be no simpering, abandonements or broom wagon dilletantes. You will ride yourself into the ground if need be Footsoldier! 6pm Illegal Pete's, we're riding the B-rad Especial 'round Nobo so don't be late!

My Spastic Dolphin style will destroy your pathetic Crane School style!

Weekend ‘o July 23rd-24th the M.O. Alford Bachelor Party to Hell will descend into sleepy Winter Park, CO like the fog from…The Fog! Shambling zombie pirate costume will be mandatory as we hump it from the Chalet up to Eldora, down into Jenny Creek and up,up and away to Rollins Pass, there to perch like scurvy buccaneers on the larboard rail lustily preparing to board a convent ship bound for Havana with gold and virgins stacked to the gunwhales! If anything remains of our innate human decency by Sunday I’ll be bitterly disappointed…but we will ride! Out on a hot lap of Tipperary Creek to be exact before meeting several players to be named later, who having driven to WP, can now shuttle us all back to Boulder. Players to be named later are welcome to join in the festivus Saturday night and Sunday ride, just so long as they are not chicks. No chicks! And I claim total immunity from any moral quandary or legal ramifications arising from the Bachelor Party to Hell, and will refuse to testify in any case arising from aforesaid weekend. Pirate costumes, Rollins Pass, torch WP, Tip Creek, no chicks…what more could you ask for?

Bag of Sand

Wheels of Thunder dawned bright and early for THIS reporter as over 75 twitchy, spastic, 3-point-turning Category 4 racers took to the field of combat high on the mesa above Golden in thankfully, no more than a light breeze. Things started innocently enough for Highroller as he prowled near the front, at one point holding down a strong 4th wheel before going on a wicked attack out the back heading out for lap 5. Carefully marshalling his reserves Highroller backed slowly around the track until he was once again in 4th place heading out for lap 11, well most of the field was heading out for lap 12 actually. Subregardless Highroller soldiered on getting into a good draft behind three fellow droppees and remarkably outsprinting his reverso-breakaway companions. "It's all about beating your friends! Or at least the shattered remnants of the chase group you happen to find yourself in after the peloton has vanished o'er the distant horizon." Might have missed out on 21st place unfortunately, but I'll bet a multiple of 21 is still possible!

Sandbagging 101

Unemployment has it's benefits. The surplus of ride time to ensure what passes for fitness in the confines of the Wombat room has paid off in victory, sweet victory for this pround member of bIKE cLUB.

Saturday found this correspondent within the confines of Bear Creek Lake Park for the annual Battle of the Bear. This particular course is perfect for the larger mammals such as the Albino Sasquatch as the four mile lap has less than 300 feet of climbing. Otherwise, it is flat or downhill mix of fast, non technical single and doubletrack.

Due to the beauracratic wisdom of NORBA, one day licences are not availible to expert class racers. Sport class one day licences are only $5, one tenth of the cost of an annual licence and more than enough for one of two NORBA races I will be participating in this year.(Firecracker 50, July 4th, sign up soon!)

The 30-39 Sport mens Cross Country started 2 minutes after the 20-29 class under an unusually HOT mid spring day. Although there wasn't a neutral feed for water, the race organizers had a 10 year old boy in charge of a hose and spray nozzle to soak the riders as they came through the start/finish area. This particular child was suffering from ADD of some sort as he managed to miss one particular large rider decked out in orange team colors not once but twice.

The race was uneventful as any suspense as to who would win was eliminated early in the third lap as the leader at the time crashed at the crest of the first of three short climbs with the second place rider, yours truly, right on his wheel. Any answer to the rhetorical question "Are you OK?" was drowned out by the thought of " dumbass. " The gap continued to to expand with the goal of trying catch and pass all the members of the age group that started two minutes earlier. The winner of that age group is the only one to avoid that humiliation.

Please refrain from offering congratulatory calls and gifts as this was a hollow victory. As I already have the FARVA for "Rider of the year", the plastic plaque and Chipolte gift certificate are more than enough recognition. The summer awaits with multiple opportunies to embarass and humiliate myself in an assortment of Cat 3 road races and Expert class racing at the Winter Park series as well as a wedding on July 30.

Word on the street is that bIKE cLUB member Highroller intiated his race season at the "Wheels of Thunder", we anxiously await the report.

Furious checks for Fashion Police on his 6.

Uno quickly averts his gaze from Glick's retro-painful attire and prepares for a soothing beer eye-wash.

One beer to rule them all and in the darkness bind them! Thumper and the Crossbowmaker enjoy a hard earned frosty after humping singles up to the Bench, yes THE bench. Great ride with Uno, Furious, Glick, Cheese-O and Highroller also in the house and railing hard! Tickler singlespeed division? Not likely... This weekend Uno is hosting a Tour de Col outta Inferior with loops up Apex, Winters, Dakota, Green Mtn, etc AND cold Zima. Tough to pass up but Furious will be dropping in on the Bear and Highroller will double down on Wheels of Chunder in his long anticipated build up to Revenge on Hugo...if you saw his ass you'd understand. And by "him" I mean me.