w=x13

Dear insert name of valued bIKE cLUB Member,

A year has passed now since the calamitous formulation of Alford's Thoerem, a year I've been living on borrowed time since the "saw blade in the spokes" incident. Also a year with lots of challenges obviously but one that has allowed me to further refine my theorem with the factor F for family. Family (however you define it) is the very essence of sharing the load, always having someone who's got your back no questions asked. And though it remains true that the worst that can happen is 13 times more horrible than you're thinking I believe the pain can be modified by sharing with those who've got you covered no matter what. Thus Alford's Family Modifier wherein w=x13/f. Those Cyclonauts out there with a passing familiarity with mathematics will tell you that in the above formula w (or "the worst") can be easily divided and therefor diluted by increasing f (or Family) such that though the worst is 13 times worse than you imagine(x), if you share the resulting pain with 13 friends and family it will actually balance out to be only as bad as you originally thought it would be. Simple, no? No? Well think of it this way, Sean threatens to ski by in the nude. In your mind you imagine that experience as being "x" horrible. Applying Alford's Theorem though we know the shaggy pale Albino Sasquatch experience will be 13 times worse than you imagine. However if you are surrounded by 12 friends each can take some small bit of the pain such that any one person only suffers a 13th of the true pain, or about as bad as you imagined it would be (x). If you were all alone, well...

Anyways we proud few in the Steamboat Springs Chapter of bIKE cLUB (known locally, with attendant howls of disdain as Steamboat Springs Single Speeders or "SSSS") have been running on a w=x13/f (with f=3) for far too long now so we plan on dropping into the Boulder environs this weekend to increase our f to at least 13 if not more. My 'better half', (or maybe that's my 'best third'?) will send out deets in a more recognizable format but plan on drinking beers with Trout this Saturday! I wanna test out a new theorem wherein "America" = "Fuck Yeah!" America!...